What can I say? Life is to be lived but sometimes that is not enough. We want it all. When we have everything we want, we're still not satisfied. Is it the thrill of the chase, the feeling of uncertainty, or, in my case, the distance?
For quite some time, I was an ineligible bachelor, taken by someone who seemed perfect. She is smart, Christian, gorgeous, caring, and she loves/d me. But for some reason I could not shake the fact that I needed to step back and experience life some. She is the only person I have dated in adulthood. She was my best friend. And for that reason, I couldn't lead her on and say that I wanted one thing when in actuality what I wanted was a chance to live. As a young man, I felt suffocated by someone who I saw once a month. It was taxing on my academics, my friendships, my pockets, and my emotions.
I know that no relationship is easy and they all require work and trust, but extreme distance requires much more than most. I couldn't just drive across town to watch a movie. I would have to fly up for a weekend. I couldn't get a hug or kiss after I had a bad day. I would have to settle for a phone call. Introducing her to my friends and family was nearly impossible unless they happened to meet her one of the 2 times she has come down to visit. It was love, but it wasn't fair.
Everyday at school, I see my closest friends happily in or in pursuit of a normal college relationship, something I knew I could never have if I didn't take a step back. So I selfishly did what I had to do so that I could see if having someone nearby who I could rely on was better.
I can't say that I know one way or another yet, but the future looks bright. I never meant to hurt my first love, but no one does. Now I just pray that God leads me into whatever might be best for me. I know that I am not looking for anything in particular aside from a sense of normality. Yes, the decision was selfish but I would rather be real and hurt someone temporarily than to be fake and please them for a lifetime. I want my friend back, but I know that, in time that too will come.
No real moral to this post. Just venting. Have a great weekend.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Too Good To Settle
"It's hard to find a woman when you're talented and black." - Drake
Good evening world (probably more like "Good evening America," more specifically North Carolina). Today I went to get my hair cut at Leon's Salon on Tate St. In Greensboro (quick plug - - shout to my boy Chris). Anyway, while in the chair, Chris and I talked about courting women. More specifically, he was giving me advice on what to do when looking for a steady girlfriend. What he said was that I need to ask for resumès to make sure that she is not in school to get her M.R.S. I definitely agree with that. I am not saying that a girl has to have a 4.0 and be president in every organization on campus but she should have some things about her that really do stand out. I don't want another me b/c I can barely deal with myself as it is. The thing is, having someone who complements me is key. I need for a young lady to be involved enough so that she is not constantly bored waiting on me to get done handling my business but still not so consumed that she has no time for me. She needs to enjoy giving back because, if she's with me she will be receiving a lot and "to (s)he whom much is given, much is expected." She needs to be Christian because otherwise we won't work and honestly, I wouldn't want us to. She needs to know how to turn me on because I want to be able to be intimate with her. She needs to be attractive to me because I want to want to look at her forever.
That brings me to my next point: I will not court someone who does not have potential to be my Mrs. I am not saying that that is my initial goal but I am too old to call someone my girlfriend who I won't introduce to my mother. And only one woman has gotten a formal invitation to my parents' home for dinner since I've made it to college.
Sad to say, there are very few handsome, confident young black Christian males going where I am going. I have numerous short comings but I am cutting down on them daily. I will always sin and fall short of perfection but my goal is to decrease the frequency of imperfections and increase the probability that I will have a perfect day.
I am going to be great, not famous. Why make it into Rolling Stone magazine or the tabloids when I could be in Forbes and encyclopedias? I won't be a household name, but I will to be known in corporate America as a marketing guru. I will be a credit to my race, fraternity, and nation, as they have been to me (more so the former two than the latter). More importantly (and more on the point), I will be a great husband and father. I will take my kids to church and sports practices. I will take my wife on dates (and not just on our anniversary). We will go on vacations. We will be happy.
I am the African American Dream. I never lived in the ghetto but I was never anywhere near rich. My parents were good at doing what most black people do - fronting. I've walked to get groceries because we didn't have a car. Not because "we didn't have a working car." We didn't have a car at all. I held the marijuana for my boys. I fought. I got suspended. I dodged charges. I'm not proud of that and I'm not saying that I am hard. What I am saying is "I will make it from low class to classic." Look at me now - 81% of school paid for by scholarships, job, good credit, president of a progressive organization, treasurer of another, a brother of the best fraternity in the history of the world and a Christian. And this is only the beginning.
Many people say that I am an idealist. They are right. Life happens, but I also believe that "I am the master of my phate." God gives us free will and I was told that giving anything less than 100% is a sin. His will is that I utilize the talents He has given me instead of burying them. So my talents are going to bring me success. Question is, who will be riding in my passenger seats?
I know I digressed TR3mendously but I felt like intricately explaining why I won't settle for a woman who can't complement me. And anyway it's my blog so I can do that.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
Good evening world (probably more like "Good evening America," more specifically North Carolina). Today I went to get my hair cut at Leon's Salon on Tate St. In Greensboro (quick plug - - shout to my boy Chris). Anyway, while in the chair, Chris and I talked about courting women. More specifically, he was giving me advice on what to do when looking for a steady girlfriend. What he said was that I need to ask for resumès to make sure that she is not in school to get her M.R.S. I definitely agree with that. I am not saying that a girl has to have a 4.0 and be president in every organization on campus but she should have some things about her that really do stand out. I don't want another me b/c I can barely deal with myself as it is. The thing is, having someone who complements me is key. I need for a young lady to be involved enough so that she is not constantly bored waiting on me to get done handling my business but still not so consumed that she has no time for me. She needs to enjoy giving back because, if she's with me she will be receiving a lot and "to (s)he whom much is given, much is expected." She needs to be Christian because otherwise we won't work and honestly, I wouldn't want us to. She needs to know how to turn me on because I want to be able to be intimate with her. She needs to be attractive to me because I want to want to look at her forever.
That brings me to my next point: I will not court someone who does not have potential to be my Mrs. I am not saying that that is my initial goal but I am too old to call someone my girlfriend who I won't introduce to my mother. And only one woman has gotten a formal invitation to my parents' home for dinner since I've made it to college.
Sad to say, there are very few handsome, confident young black Christian males going where I am going. I have numerous short comings but I am cutting down on them daily. I will always sin and fall short of perfection but my goal is to decrease the frequency of imperfections and increase the probability that I will have a perfect day.
I am going to be great, not famous. Why make it into Rolling Stone magazine or the tabloids when I could be in Forbes and encyclopedias? I won't be a household name, but I will to be known in corporate America as a marketing guru. I will be a credit to my race, fraternity, and nation, as they have been to me (more so the former two than the latter). More importantly (and more on the point), I will be a great husband and father. I will take my kids to church and sports practices. I will take my wife on dates (and not just on our anniversary). We will go on vacations. We will be happy.
I am the African American Dream. I never lived in the ghetto but I was never anywhere near rich. My parents were good at doing what most black people do - fronting. I've walked to get groceries because we didn't have a car. Not because "we didn't have a working car." We didn't have a car at all. I held the marijuana for my boys. I fought. I got suspended. I dodged charges. I'm not proud of that and I'm not saying that I am hard. What I am saying is "I will make it from low class to classic." Look at me now - 81% of school paid for by scholarships, job, good credit, president of a progressive organization, treasurer of another, a brother of the best fraternity in the history of the world and a Christian. And this is only the beginning.
Many people say that I am an idealist. They are right. Life happens, but I also believe that "I am the master of my phate." God gives us free will and I was told that giving anything less than 100% is a sin. His will is that I utilize the talents He has given me instead of burying them. So my talents are going to bring me success. Question is, who will be riding in my passenger seats?
I know I digressed TR3mendously but I felt like intricately explaining why I won't settle for a woman who can't complement me. And anyway it's my blog so I can do that.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Endangered Specices: Ladies and Gentlemen
If I see the lady from a distance, the first thing I'll look for is for her to have a nice overall shape. It's not so much about big or small as much as about a nice figure. I'm also into brown- and dark-skinned girls so they'll probably catch my attention first. Nothing against anyone of any other complexion because, at the end of the day, a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman but everyone has preferences and complexion is one of mine.
If I am fortunate enough to run into her up close the first time I see her, I look for nice eyes, a nice smile, nice hair (long or short, as long as it's done nicely, there is potential).
The most important thing is the manner in which she carries herself. I saw a girl the other week who was out @ a public pool in the middle of the day intentionally showing off things that she should have kept to herself. If you don't come across as a lady from the jump, I probably will not take you seriously. It's not about what you do and with who but about who knows how you like to get down. Everyone shouldn't know that a female is a "freak." If she is for her man that's great, but otherwise, chill out. Some guys might try to wife you but I can guarantee that I will not be that guy. I subscribe to the belief that you can't turn a garden tool into a housewife. That's not to say that she can't change but that is on her to change.
I believe that ladies are an endangered species. That statement was not made to compare you all to animals, but taxonomically, you all are on a completely different level than the general human female based on thought process alone. And I can say the same about gentlemen; there are very few of us left. It is quite possible that the killing off of one served as a catalyst for the death of of the other but I believe that we should be working to revive a sense of mutual respect and responsibility between our genders.
I suggest that those of us who are ladies and gentlemen take someone younger than us and mentor them. Ladies, if you see another young female on campus who seems like she's on the line (or even past it), talk to her. Be her friend first and her mentor second. Don't let her walk around dressed like she should be on the Vegas strip b/c the young man who I am mentoring will probably not look her way and, if he is anything like me, she will want him to.
Let's make it cool to be ladies and gentlemen once again. And let's kill this misconception that because you can wear a tie with some hard bottom shoes or a dress with some heels that that's all it takes. Instead of wanting to be Mr./Mrs. Sean Carter, we should aspire more to be like Mr./Mrs. Cliff Huxtable. A very idealistic view, but mine none the less.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
If I am fortunate enough to run into her up close the first time I see her, I look for nice eyes, a nice smile, nice hair (long or short, as long as it's done nicely, there is potential).
The most important thing is the manner in which she carries herself. I saw a girl the other week who was out @ a public pool in the middle of the day intentionally showing off things that she should have kept to herself. If you don't come across as a lady from the jump, I probably will not take you seriously. It's not about what you do and with who but about who knows how you like to get down. Everyone shouldn't know that a female is a "freak." If she is for her man that's great, but otherwise, chill out. Some guys might try to wife you but I can guarantee that I will not be that guy. I subscribe to the belief that you can't turn a garden tool into a housewife. That's not to say that she can't change but that is on her to change.
I believe that ladies are an endangered species. That statement was not made to compare you all to animals, but taxonomically, you all are on a completely different level than the general human female based on thought process alone. And I can say the same about gentlemen; there are very few of us left. It is quite possible that the killing off of one served as a catalyst for the death of of the other but I believe that we should be working to revive a sense of mutual respect and responsibility between our genders.
I suggest that those of us who are ladies and gentlemen take someone younger than us and mentor them. Ladies, if you see another young female on campus who seems like she's on the line (or even past it), talk to her. Be her friend first and her mentor second. Don't let her walk around dressed like she should be on the Vegas strip b/c the young man who I am mentoring will probably not look her way and, if he is anything like me, she will want him to.
Let's make it cool to be ladies and gentlemen once again. And let's kill this misconception that because you can wear a tie with some hard bottom shoes or a dress with some heels that that's all it takes. Instead of wanting to be Mr./Mrs. Sean Carter, we should aspire more to be like Mr./Mrs. Cliff Huxtable. A very idealistic view, but mine none the less.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
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