I have a view of life that is so different from most people I know. Everyone says live every day like it's your last but how many of us actually do it? I often put my all in everything I do because of hte fact that I don't believe in a guaranteed tomorrow. I know that it might come but I try to live like, if it does, it was an unlikely phenomenon.
Thing is, I don't just think of my life like that. I think about my family and friends lives like that too. It's 9:10 am. What if I get a call at 9:30 saying that so and so got in a car accident this morning? Would I be able to look at myself in the mirror and say "Even though I miss him/her, I know that I gave my all to every second that God blessed us with." This post is not meant to be long because I have more important things to do than type my day away. What it is meant to do is to make you ask yourself "Can I do more?" Hint: the answer is always "Yes."
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Stick With It
Today I was watching TV and I realized that divorce and infidelity are regular occurrences in our media which is likely why they are regular occurrences in American lives. I hate that this is true, but the media often sets what is perceived as the "norm," and therefore people adapt to that style of living. For instance, the media used to tell black kids that it wasn't cool to read and that is when we, who had fought so long for our right to be equally educated, stopped reading. They say that you come to college to party and that is why so many students work their ways into school and party their ways out. We see things on TV and, because we want to be "normal," we emulate them.
I feel like, sooner than later, infidelity is going to be just as normal as driving. It isn't right but in almost every series on TV, someone is cheating on someone else. Why is it so hard for people these days to just commit? After you reach a certain level of maturity, you should be looking for someone to spend your life with (if marriage is what you are trying to do). The problem is, people get married these days without expecting to spend their lives with the other person. I am surprised at how many people I know get married and say that they hope they stay w/ that person forever. I don't believe in saying never, but I know that, when I get married, I'm never going to divorce my wife. I know this for a few reasons:
1 - "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." -- Philippians 4:13. God is going to be the center of our relationship. Even more important than your family should be your relationship with God. And if you incorporate God into that relationship, how much greater will it be, right? Even in the hard times (and there will be hard times, even in an anointed relationship), God can pull people through it.
2 - I'm not going to get engaged after 3 months after meeting her. No offense to those who do it but I don't believe that I can get to know someone well enough in that short amount time. Even in my current relationship, I couldn't get engaged right now and we are going into our 4th year of knowing one another. There are levels on which you know someone and I believe that the first of those is friendship.
3 - I'm not afraid to work at it. Too many people in our generation give up if they don't get what they want right away. All relationships, but especially a marital one, take a tremendous amount of give and take. The thing is, you don't go into it wondering how much you can take. You really have to be willing to give more of yourself than you're willing to get. If both people go in with that mentality and keep that mentality, the sky is the limit.
4 - I want my kids to grow up in a traditional family with a mother and a father in the same household. There are plenty of people who did fine coming out of single parent households but statistics show that children who have both parents in the home are often more emotionally stable. I want to have children and I want them to know that their daddy loves their mommy and never to question that.
5 - I love the woman who will be my wife. Even though I might not know her yet, I already love her because she is the greatest woman I will ever meet. And if I do know her (I pray that I do), I still think the same thing. So, even when times get tough, why leave the greatest for any reason at all?
Another thing is, habits are not developed overnight. Just because you say "I'm married now," doesn't mean you'll be a great husband or wife. If you were cheating while you were engaged to the person, you probably won't stop just because you have a ring on your finger. You really have to nip those serious habits in the bud. Though you aren't married, treat your relationships as if that person might be with you forever. I want to be able to honestly tell my son that I never cheated on his mother. So why cheat on someone I'm dating exclusively? Or more importantly, why date someone exclusively that doesn't have the potential to have my last name? Going on a few dates is one thing but if I am regularly seen with you in public or if I intentionally introduce you to my mother, it is because there is something about you that I could see myself getting used to. No, I'm not going to pay all your bills or suggest that we move in together while we're in college but I am going to treat with the respect that I believe a man should treat his wife with because who is to say that I won't marry the one I'm with? And if I don't, it does no harm to treat her with that level of respect.
In short, I just feel like a lot of people don't want to make it work. I am not giving myself the option not to make it work. If I'm with you, I'm with you until the wheels fall off. Relationships aren't always happy. Like Frankie Beverly said, REALationships come with "joy and pain, sunshine and rain." But the pain and the rain make you appreciate every reè of sunshine.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
I feel like, sooner than later, infidelity is going to be just as normal as driving. It isn't right but in almost every series on TV, someone is cheating on someone else. Why is it so hard for people these days to just commit? After you reach a certain level of maturity, you should be looking for someone to spend your life with (if marriage is what you are trying to do). The problem is, people get married these days without expecting to spend their lives with the other person. I am surprised at how many people I know get married and say that they hope they stay w/ that person forever. I don't believe in saying never, but I know that, when I get married, I'm never going to divorce my wife. I know this for a few reasons:
1 - "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." -- Philippians 4:13. God is going to be the center of our relationship. Even more important than your family should be your relationship with God. And if you incorporate God into that relationship, how much greater will it be, right? Even in the hard times (and there will be hard times, even in an anointed relationship), God can pull people through it.
2 - I'm not going to get engaged after 3 months after meeting her. No offense to those who do it but I don't believe that I can get to know someone well enough in that short amount time. Even in my current relationship, I couldn't get engaged right now and we are going into our 4th year of knowing one another. There are levels on which you know someone and I believe that the first of those is friendship.
3 - I'm not afraid to work at it. Too many people in our generation give up if they don't get what they want right away. All relationships, but especially a marital one, take a tremendous amount of give and take. The thing is, you don't go into it wondering how much you can take. You really have to be willing to give more of yourself than you're willing to get. If both people go in with that mentality and keep that mentality, the sky is the limit.
4 - I want my kids to grow up in a traditional family with a mother and a father in the same household. There are plenty of people who did fine coming out of single parent households but statistics show that children who have both parents in the home are often more emotionally stable. I want to have children and I want them to know that their daddy loves their mommy and never to question that.
5 - I love the woman who will be my wife. Even though I might not know her yet, I already love her because she is the greatest woman I will ever meet. And if I do know her (I pray that I do), I still think the same thing. So, even when times get tough, why leave the greatest for any reason at all?
Another thing is, habits are not developed overnight. Just because you say "I'm married now," doesn't mean you'll be a great husband or wife. If you were cheating while you were engaged to the person, you probably won't stop just because you have a ring on your finger. You really have to nip those serious habits in the bud. Though you aren't married, treat your relationships as if that person might be with you forever. I want to be able to honestly tell my son that I never cheated on his mother. So why cheat on someone I'm dating exclusively? Or more importantly, why date someone exclusively that doesn't have the potential to have my last name? Going on a few dates is one thing but if I am regularly seen with you in public or if I intentionally introduce you to my mother, it is because there is something about you that I could see myself getting used to. No, I'm not going to pay all your bills or suggest that we move in together while we're in college but I am going to treat with the respect that I believe a man should treat his wife with because who is to say that I won't marry the one I'm with? And if I don't, it does no harm to treat her with that level of respect.
In short, I just feel like a lot of people don't want to make it work. I am not giving myself the option not to make it work. If I'm with you, I'm with you until the wheels fall off. Relationships aren't always happy. Like Frankie Beverly said, REALationships come with "joy and pain, sunshine and rain." But the pain and the rain make you appreciate every reè of sunshine.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Complementary
Having someone who complements you is about more than having a "trophy" to show off (all though she who complements me is a comp
lete #win). It is about having someone who pushes you to do better b
ecause she cares about you and gives of herself so that you can be happy. It is about having support that you didn't know you could find before.
I could go on but I think I've made my point. I pray that everyone finds a partner who is as complementary as mine.
Thanks Kick Push.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sunday, June 20, 2010
We Used To Be Tight
You ever lose a friend?
Not "lose" in the sense of death. I mean "lose" like "Damn. We used to be so tight. Now we don't talk at all. What happened?"Last week I kicked it w/ some of my boys from home. Today I talked with my best friend from high school who I haven't spoken with since December. I really miss my friends even though we have taken different paths.
I have lost too many friends during my time at UNCG. Some I lost the moment I graduated high school, others I lost gradually as I worked to graduate from college. It really isn't a good part of life, but I guess it is a necessary one.
As we grow people change. I sure as hell have changed. Sometimes we change at a rate that mirrors that of our friends. Sometimes we don't. I was thinking about grad school when I graduated from high school. Now that I'm preparing to graduate from college, I'm planning my steps toward being stable enough to have a family and retire by 50. Humbly speaking, I am always mentally ahead of most of those who are demographically beside me.
But that makes life hard. I get frustrated with people not having aspirations. You don't need to know where you will be step by step in 10 years but you need to be taking some steps toward somewhere. Complacency is not attractive. But I find that so many people who are initially interesting lose their appeal because they have no real life goals. "I want to be rich" or "I want to get married" isn't enough. You have to know what you want and how you plan to get there. Otherwise you are just going through the motions, only to eventually hit a wall that you can't scale because you've been taking baby steps toward nowhere your entire life.
That's why I lose most of my friends. There are a certain relationships that I let go of because it just wasn't there anymore. But in those situations, I still say "Damn. We used to be so tight."
To everyone who I consider a friend, ever considered a friend, or will consider a friend, I will always give you my first and my last. That is a promise..
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
Not "lose" in the sense of death. I mean "lose" like "Damn. We used to be so tight. Now we don't talk at all. What happened?"Last week I kicked it w/ some of my boys from home. Today I talked with my best friend from high school who I haven't spoken with since December. I really miss my friends even though we have taken different paths.
I have lost too many friends during my time at UNCG. Some I lost the moment I graduated high school, others I lost gradually as I worked to graduate from college. It really isn't a good part of life, but I guess it is a necessary one.
As we grow people change. I sure as hell have changed. Sometimes we change at a rate that mirrors that of our friends. Sometimes we don't. I was thinking about grad school when I graduated from high school. Now that I'm preparing to graduate from college, I'm planning my steps toward being stable enough to have a family and retire by 50. Humbly speaking, I am always mentally ahead of most of those who are demographically beside me.
But that makes life hard. I get frustrated with people not having aspirations. You don't need to know where you will be step by step in 10 years but you need to be taking some steps toward somewhere. Complacency is not attractive. But I find that so many people who are initially interesting lose their appeal because they have no real life goals. "I want to be rich" or "I want to get married" isn't enough. You have to know what you want and how you plan to get there. Otherwise you are just going through the motions, only to eventually hit a wall that you can't scale because you've been taking baby steps toward nowhere your entire life.
That's why I lose most of my friends. There are a certain relationships that I let go of because it just wasn't there anymore. But in those situations, I still say "Damn. We used to be so tight."
To everyone who I consider a friend, ever considered a friend, or will consider a friend, I will always give you my first and my last. That is a promise..
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Retired Jersey
"My intentions are good, but most importantly, my actions match." -- Deryle Daniels, Jr.
I won't lie. Falling in love is something that I didn't want to do. Especially not with her because I could see that she had the potential to be exactly what I needed. I was playing the game and playing it well, if I do say so myself. Juggling like a clown and always doing the opposite of what a loser does. I had just gotten off line, was a member of the Playboi Pi Zeta chapter and I was recently single. So why risk giving all that up? For the same reason I didn't want to fall in love with her... because I knew what potential she had. For over a year, I had noticed the way she carried herself around campus. She came in more mature than most of her peers and I saw her grow even further apart from them. I saw a focus in her that made me smile. She was driven, intellectual, and positive. Who wouldn't want someone like that? Me. Because I knew that, in order to take advantage of the opportunity to date someone so like-minded, I would have to give something up. That something would have to be the game. At first I was somewhat hesitant. You know, it wasn't like I was going to completely cut off everyone else after the first couple dates. But soon, I was talking to her every night. We were enjoying one another's company. We knew it was time to give the game up. It was hard, but I did. Not for me to be happy, but for her to feel safe in our relationship. I don't want either of us to ever get too comfortable, but safety and security is one thing that is a must. I feel like we have that, all provided by God.
Just some things on my mind.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
I won't lie. Falling in love is something that I didn't want to do. Especially not with her because I could see that she had the potential to be exactly what I needed. I was playing the game and playing it well, if I do say so myself. Juggling like a clown and always doing the opposite of what a loser does. I had just gotten off line, was a member of the Playboi Pi Zeta chapter and I was recently single. So why risk giving all that up? For the same reason I didn't want to fall in love with her... because I knew what potential she had. For over a year, I had noticed the way she carried herself around campus. She came in more mature than most of her peers and I saw her grow even further apart from them. I saw a focus in her that made me smile. She was driven, intellectual, and positive. Who wouldn't want someone like that? Me. Because I knew that, in order to take advantage of the opportunity to date someone so like-minded, I would have to give something up. That something would have to be the game. At first I was somewhat hesitant. You know, it wasn't like I was going to completely cut off everyone else after the first couple dates. But soon, I was talking to her every night. We were enjoying one another's company. We knew it was time to give the game up. It was hard, but I did. Not for me to be happy, but for her to feel safe in our relationship. I don't want either of us to ever get too comfortable, but safety and security is one thing that is a must. I feel like we have that, all provided by God.
Just some things on my mind.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Turn Your Lights ON
I had this lil’ bad thing, somethin’ like them 10’s
She gave a aggin mad brain, somethin’ like the Wiz
But you see the sad thing fuckin’ with her is
Is the chick ain’t even have brains, dummy like a bitch
So I tried to show her
About the world and about just who we really are
And where we’ve come and how we still have to go really far
Like baby look at how we live broke on the boulevard
But all she ever want me to do is unhook her bra - - J. Cole
Sitting here, listening to J. Cole, I figured out the perfect thing to write about. Dumb females. This, in no way, is a shot at all females. And if it's not you, please talk to your dumb friends, b/c we all, male and female, have dumb friends of both sexes. Yes, dumb is a mean and politically incorrect term, but the shit is real life. The type of dumb I am talking about is being one dimensional, unable to do anything but physically please me, expendable female.
Not to toot my own horn (TOOT TOOT) but I am something like the man. Not the man, not the HNIC, but I have my hands in every aspect of college life in Greensboro. I am in touch with the chancellors and provosts at the two biggest universities in my city (on a first name basis with 2 of those 4 people), I have the cell phone numbers of the Deans of business schools across the state, and I always have internship opportunities even though I don't seek them. I don't pay to get into parties, I have girls who can easily be called dimes calling my phone to come over even though I don't pick up (anymore), I am the president of the Black Business Students Association and I am a proud brother of the Playboi Pi Zeta chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. I am dark (check), not short (nor am I tall), and in good shape. Alright, maybe I'm tooting my own horn, but continue to read and it will make sense.
What I don't understand is how a female can try to approach me (or any forward moving man) and not have her stuff together. If you can't carry yourself well in public, how can you expect me to take you anywhere? I've been at dinners with everyone from mayors to congressional representatives to presidential candidate John Edwards. I see UNC System President Erskine Bowles at family gatherings. I might not be rich but I will be and I am in what Brother DuBois named the Talented Tenth. If your only talent is being able to do the things rappers talk about in the songs I will hear tonight at the club, please don't even approach me for two reasons: I have a girl who makes me happy (so even if you can do more than that, fall back) and even if I was single, I wouldn't talk to anyone who can't make me want to be better.
What really made me want to write about this was the line "I tried to show her about the world." I tried so hard to change so many fine girls. I really wanted them to get some sense to match their bodies. It's really hard to see a gorgeous girl who only wants to get it in. You want better for them b/c you see that they have so much potential in them but some people really just want to rely on a man for their entire lives. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be able to rely on us but, in this day and age, a progressive man needs a woman (not a girl) who has the mental capacity to do for herself. I am not a politician but I have a hand in politics and I need a woman who will be able to step back and see things the way they should be seen so that she can give me good advice on the right decisions to make, not (just) which condom would feel best.
I didn't mean to seem vulgar or tactless in this post, but I felt like some of you potential ladies need to hear this. Mine definitely doesn't. Check back in on Monday. And Merry belated Christmas.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
She gave a aggin mad brain, somethin’ like the Wiz
But you see the sad thing fuckin’ with her is
Is the chick ain’t even have brains, dummy like a bitch
So I tried to show her
About the world and about just who we really are
And where we’ve come and how we still have to go really far
Like baby look at how we live broke on the boulevard
But all she ever want me to do is unhook her bra - - J. Cole
Sitting here, listening to J. Cole, I figured out the perfect thing to write about. Dumb females. This, in no way, is a shot at all females. And if it's not you, please talk to your dumb friends, b/c we all, male and female, have dumb friends of both sexes. Yes, dumb is a mean and politically incorrect term, but the shit is real life. The type of dumb I am talking about is being one dimensional, unable to do anything but physically please me, expendable female.
Not to toot my own horn (TOOT TOOT) but I am something like the man. Not the man, not the HNIC, but I have my hands in every aspect of college life in Greensboro. I am in touch with the chancellors and provosts at the two biggest universities in my city (on a first name basis with 2 of those 4 people), I have the cell phone numbers of the Deans of business schools across the state, and I always have internship opportunities even though I don't seek them. I don't pay to get into parties, I have girls who can easily be called dimes calling my phone to come over even though I don't pick up (anymore), I am the president of the Black Business Students Association and I am a proud brother of the Playboi Pi Zeta chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. I am dark (check), not short (nor am I tall), and in good shape. Alright, maybe I'm tooting my own horn, but continue to read and it will make sense.
What I don't understand is how a female can try to approach me (or any forward moving man) and not have her stuff together. If you can't carry yourself well in public, how can you expect me to take you anywhere? I've been at dinners with everyone from mayors to congressional representatives to presidential candidate John Edwards. I see UNC System President Erskine Bowles at family gatherings. I might not be rich but I will be and I am in what Brother DuBois named the Talented Tenth. If your only talent is being able to do the things rappers talk about in the songs I will hear tonight at the club, please don't even approach me for two reasons: I have a girl who makes me happy (so even if you can do more than that, fall back) and even if I was single, I wouldn't talk to anyone who can't make me want to be better.
What really made me want to write about this was the line "I tried to show her about the world." I tried so hard to change so many fine girls. I really wanted them to get some sense to match their bodies. It's really hard to see a gorgeous girl who only wants to get it in. You want better for them b/c you see that they have so much potential in them but some people really just want to rely on a man for their entire lives. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be able to rely on us but, in this day and age, a progressive man needs a woman (not a girl) who has the mental capacity to do for herself. I am not a politician but I have a hand in politics and I need a woman who will be able to step back and see things the way they should be seen so that she can give me good advice on the right decisions to make, not (just) which condom would feel best.
I didn't mean to seem vulgar or tactless in this post, but I felt like some of you potential ladies need to hear this. Mine definitely doesn't. Check back in on Monday. And Merry belated Christmas.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
Friday, December 4, 2009
Who Am I? Version 22
" ... I need to find another road to follow. One that's new and strong, not old and hollow..." - - LaRon James
As I step into yet another year of life (praise to my Savior) and another semester comes to a rather abrupt halt, I must look back and reflect on the role that these last few months have played in my life.
This semester has presented me with many challenges. I was in a pageant last night which I spent 6-10 hours each week this semester preparing for. I took on the role of treasurer for my fraternity. I helped mold and bring 3 new Alphamen into the chapter (2 weekends - shout to TRIumph ovE.R. Treason). My chapter competed for, and did the work required to win, fraternal chapter of the year. I serve as president of an organization of 80+ members. I met and developed relationships with the new chancellor, provost, deans, and various professionals. I worked 1 job, accepted offers for 2 more next semester, and paid off my extracurricular debt in full. I went to the gym on a nearly daily basis, stayed well dressed and well groomed for 80% of the semester. I kicked and pushed my way into new friendships while working to let go of ones that proved to be detrimental. I got even closer to my line brothers than I did during Spring '09 and found myself being drawn to get to know brothers from around Area IV, ANCA, and Alpha national (Shout to DI). I have done better this semester than I did in the entire 08-09 school year.
After assessing all of this, I have come to the conclusion that I am spreading myself far too thin. I don't believe in dropping any responsibilities, but I will definitely be stepping back on my journey to 23. I am also working on getting closer to God. Even though I definitely see that I am getting closer to my Lord, I am just rebuilding to get back to where I was in high school. I have matured tremendously. Pairing that maturity with my spiritual growth and the positive impact that I have on the campus could have a major impact. You have 3 options in life - you can use your power for good, evil, or God. God is always good but good isn't always God. So this year, I'm am going to work on specializing my leadership, tailoring it to being a great representative for Him. That doesn't mean I will be perfect, but I will be stronger and I will be working harder and harder to pull away from the sinful nature that we are all born with.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes, cards, balloons, gifts, hugs, etc. If you know me, you know I don't make a big deal on my birthday, so I don't have a problem if it slipped your mind, but I do appreciate the thoughts. Much love.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
As I step into yet another year of life (praise to my Savior) and another semester comes to a rather abrupt halt, I must look back and reflect on the role that these last few months have played in my life.
This semester has presented me with many challenges. I was in a pageant last night which I spent 6-10 hours each week this semester preparing for. I took on the role of treasurer for my fraternity. I helped mold and bring 3 new Alphamen into the chapter (2 weekends - shout to TRIumph ovE.R. Treason). My chapter competed for, and did the work required to win, fraternal chapter of the year. I serve as president of an organization of 80+ members. I met and developed relationships with the new chancellor, provost, deans, and various professionals. I worked 1 job, accepted offers for 2 more next semester, and paid off my extracurricular debt in full. I went to the gym on a nearly daily basis, stayed well dressed and well groomed for 80% of the semester. I kicked and pushed my way into new friendships while working to let go of ones that proved to be detrimental. I got even closer to my line brothers than I did during Spring '09 and found myself being drawn to get to know brothers from around Area IV, ANCA, and Alpha national (Shout to DI). I have done better this semester than I did in the entire 08-09 school year.
After assessing all of this, I have come to the conclusion that I am spreading myself far too thin. I don't believe in dropping any responsibilities, but I will definitely be stepping back on my journey to 23. I am also working on getting closer to God. Even though I definitely see that I am getting closer to my Lord, I am just rebuilding to get back to where I was in high school. I have matured tremendously. Pairing that maturity with my spiritual growth and the positive impact that I have on the campus could have a major impact. You have 3 options in life - you can use your power for good, evil, or God. God is always good but good isn't always God. So this year, I'm am going to work on specializing my leadership, tailoring it to being a great representative for Him. That doesn't mean I will be perfect, but I will be stronger and I will be working harder and harder to pull away from the sinful nature that we are all born with.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes, cards, balloons, gifts, hugs, etc. If you know me, you know I don't make a big deal on my birthday, so I don't have a problem if it slipped your mind, but I do appreciate the thoughts. Much love.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
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