:::Growing Up:::

Remember when your bestfriend becomes your worst enemy. lollipops turn into cigarettes. the innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Undies turn into g-strings. kisses turn into sex. remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? when protection meant wearing a helmet? when the worst things you could get from girls were cooties? your worst enemies were your siblings. race issues were about who ran fastest. war was only a card game. the only drug you knew was cough medicine. the only things that hurt were skinned knees. and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? ...and to think we all couldnt wait to grow up.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

To all the bruhs...

Something not so serious on the blog. Just some shirt desgins that I found. 06 to all the IC3 COLD brothers of ALPHA PHI ALPHA FRATERNITY, INC.

zoom zoom zoom...
my brothers
I love my BLACK & GOLD.
06!
I got the fever down in my body.
Fever down in my soul.
THAT ALPHA FEVER.






Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Endless Road

I have so many dreams, but don't know how I will reach them
And so many lessons, but don't know how I will teach them
See, I come from little and am destined for much
And it's in my hand... I've got the Black and Midas touch
But I want to do it all and it all can't be done
I'm a prophyte, but still like Neo, I am the one
Limitless confidence. I swallow comp like Jaws
pound-sign, all hetero. another pound sign pause
Really though, I really don't know where my potential ends
I sit looking for a conclusion but this road but it never even bends
Straight shot to success. Obstacles are there, but so what? Scale 'em
Life if full of test and I'm not here to fail 'em
So much to do, and so little time
So I'm done writing for now. For now I'm back on my grind



Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

You Are Appreciated

Everyday I'm learning that it is harder and harder to find good people. I really appreciate the people who God has put into my life. Today, my money was tight, but I ate. My friend who works at a resturant hooked me up with lunch and my line brother (whose money is just as tight as mine) and I combined our money to get some dinner. Life isn't about what others can do for you but rather what you can do for others. And the blessing is that, even when you don't expect it to, all that comes back to you.
More importantly, I want to show appreciation for all the friends who aren't always seen as the reason for my successes. The ones who put the smiles on my face at the most random times. Everyone knows what my family and my LBs and my girlfriend and my real close boys mean to me. That's displayed all the time via Facebook and Twitter. But the people who I can attribute my minor level of success to are the people who aren't always around. It's the cousins and the friends who might send me a random text once every 4 months but it's right when I need it. Or it might be the AKA who just drops a line in the PhirstPham BBM chatroom that says "Everyone have a blessed day." Or it might just be the friend from freshman year who decides to always be there whenever you need to talk. Either way, I really appreciate everyone in my life. Life is too good to let another moment go by without telling someone you know that you love him/her. So that is what I'm going to do. I appreciate those of you who don't hear it from me on a weekly basis. No matter how insignificant a role you think you play in my life, you really might be the one who makes my day.


Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

We Are Better Than This

"I am my brother's keeper."

Some people really don't realize that the decisions of a few affect the rest of us. As black college educated people, we should be the ones setting an example for the rest of black America. However, I am always looking through crime logs of my home town and my host town and I see young black men getting citations for everything from smoking marijuana to taking indecent liberties. And we wonder why we are portrayed on TV as over-sexed, entertaining coons. I'm just sick of it. We've got to make a change. Obviously if you got into college, you have what it takes to do well here. So let's all act like we've got more than just the bare minimum amount of God-given common sense and excel. We know how to work harder and do better than everyone else. So let's do it.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

We Do More Than Step

Sitting around here watching the trailer for "Stomp the Yard II" and I am kind of getting frustrated. So often, I go home and all people think black fraternities and sororities do is step, party, drink, sleep, fight one another around and wear thematic jackets. That is the very first thing that many of my friends from home ask when they find out that I am a brother of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Incorporated. Even when we go into the community and do service on a regular basis, it's not enough. Mainstream, white-owned media outlets are only going to publicize the social aspects of black society. I bet people don't even realize that we have academic standards. Well, let me inform you that we all do hold ourselves to a high standard. We are driven young men and women who take our grades, our futures, and the betterment of our community (collectively recognized as "the black community") very seriously. Stepping makes us money and is a way for us to stay in touch with our past but it is not who we are. I'm not saying boycott the movie, but I am saying do your research. Read and don't take anything the media says for face value. I won't.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

iWork

The greatest rewards aren't the ones we can reap right after we see them, but rather those we have to work to have. It is only then that we truly appreciate them.

Is it more fulfilling to marry the beautiful lady or to spend one night with the lady of the hour? Do you cherish a $20 bill more when your parents give it to you or when you earned every cent of it?

Why is our generation so afraid to work for what we have the ability to earn? Our generation is so knowledgeable that it is crazy. "A single weekday edition of the New York Times contains more information than most people in seventeenth-century England were likely to encounter in a lifetime." And still, many of those people didn't expect anything for free. They were satisfied with their work-filled, relatively insignificant lives. We live in such spendor that we take it for granted. We get bored with all we have because we don't work for it. We don't work for television or the internet or our ability to communicate or travel to see people.

Gentlemen, how much more would seeing someone you were dating mean if you had to walk for a day to see her? Ladies, what if you had to travel 3 days from where you live to purchase the 1 dress you would get that season? We don't have to wait long for movies to come out or new music. Do you know how long people used to wait for a new Al Green record? It wasn't like he was recording mixtapes every month. Or think back to Mozart's times. People had to wait for music to be written and then hear Mozart's composition played by another person who could be getting it wrong. But we sit around, download millions of songs and, after we get through the verse of the song we like, we hit next on our MP3 players.

I really try to be thankful for everything but even I take some things for granted. For instance, my girlfriend often talks about how my Blackberry is always attached to my hand (as it is now). I act like I can't live without it, even though I can.

At the end of the day, all I can do is try to remind myself of what my life could be like. For instance, I know people who refuse to walk a mile down the street. I often ask what they think they would be doing were this 1333 and they say it's not 1333 and, though it's not, humans are still humans. Drink water, and you'll be fine. We are way too high maintenance and we have a long way to go before we realize how far we are from being truly thankful for every blessing.

Just an observation.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Struggles Made Me

I was born with a steel spoon in my mouth and bred in a neighborhood of gold. So I guess that's why I am the way I am. Some people don't understand me. Some people do. I just wish I could show everyone who I am but I can't. So I write and I try to make everyone see. I'm not the hardest. I thank God I've never been the poorest. But I can also say that I have never been the richest. I have faked it and done so well but that just goes to show that people will believe whatever you tell them. Take it for what you may. I'm just me. I'll never look down on anyone but many will look up to me. I'm going to make it. It's only a matter of time.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Grad School?

I really don't know what to do after school. Should I go to work or go to school? Everyone keeps telling me I should do school. I can do either and be successful. The question is what should I do to get where I want to get on schedule? I am going to get my masters anyway. I really don't know what to do and I should know. And on top of that, where should I go? I guess going makes sense for 2 reasons. 1 - I want to be able to show America that black men do go on to get their professional degrees. 2 - I'll come out making more money. There is so much I have to figure out. Pray that I make the right decision.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Less Shallow, More Real

So often we think we know people's stories because we know the way they carry themselves. We think that, because people can speak proper English, they come from money. Or we think that, because someone is always smiling, they haven't got a care in the world. I could go on but preconceived notions are endless.

In all actuality, people are very rarely who they initially paint themselves to be. Last night I was talking to my closest friend and she said I lied early on in our relationship. I asked "About what?" She proceeded to tell me and I let her know that I didn't lie but I did intentionally omit the truth. She and I just weren't at the point in our friendship where I felt like I could be completely up front. And it had nothing to do with her but more with the fact that, to the general public, I like to seem like I have it all together. When people sit around in groups with people that they only have a professional relationship with and tell their deepest secrets, I have to ask "Why would you let your guard down that much?"

Until I can say "I trust you," you will know my beliefs, my leadership style, and my personality. You might even know certain things about my life. But everything you know will probably be the same thing that anyone who stumbled across this blog could see. And I probably won't say "I trust you," until you have held me down in some way, shape or form, and until you have allowed me to do the same. How you can have a best friend who doesn't know anything about your life before they met you is beyond me, but in this era of instant gratification, I find us more and more frequently signing up for friends like you sign up for an excercise course in the rec. How about we make people earn the right to be called our true friends? How about we put in the effort that it takes to develop a genuine love for someone?

Just something to think on.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

The Child Who Has His Own

You know what I have realized? People are always going to talk about you, no matter how much good you do. People are always going to test you. People are always going to try to take or give away what you have worked to hard to get. So you always have to find ways to make yourself happy. You have to be able to dismiss what others think and know for yourself that what you are doing is what is best first for those you are/will be responsible for and, secondly, for yourself. Sometimes, there will be no one but yourself to talk to (no skitso). You really have to be able to do for yourself or you will get depressed. So find something you like. Find solitude in the Lord or a hobby or just going on a drive. But find something that you can do alone that will make you happy and do it from time to time. Otherwise, you might go crazy. Just a realization that I have come to.


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Stick With It

Today I was watching TV and I realized that divorce and infidelity are regular occurrences in our media which is likely why they are regular occurrences in American lives. I hate that this is true, but the media often sets what is perceived as the "norm," and therefore people adapt to that style of living. For instance, the media used to tell black kids that it wasn't cool to read and that is when we, who had fought so long for our right to be equally educated, stopped reading. They say that you come to college to party and that is why so many students work their ways into school and party their ways out. We see things on TV and, because we want to be "normal," we emulate them.

I feel like, sooner than later, infidelity is going to be just as normal as driving. It isn't right but in almost every series on TV, someone is cheating on someone else. Why is it so hard for people these days to just commit? After you reach a certain level of maturity, you should be looking for someone to spend your life with (if marriage is what you are trying to do). The problem is, people get married these days without expecting to spend their lives with the other person. I am surprised at how many people I know get married and say that they hope they stay w/ that person forever. I don't believe in saying never, but I know that, when I get married, I'm never going to divorce my wife. I know this for a few reasons:

1 - "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." -- Philippians 4:13. God is going to be the center of our relationship. Even more important than your family should be your relationship with God. And if you incorporate God into that relationship, how much greater will it be, right? Even in the hard times (and there will be hard times, even in an anointed relationship), God can pull people through it.
2 - I'm not going to get engaged after 3 months after meeting her. No offense to those who do it but I don't believe that I can get to know someone well enough in that short amount time. Even in my current relationship, I couldn't get engaged right now and we are going into our 4th year of knowing one another. There are levels on which you know someone and I believe that the first of those is friendship.
3 - I'm not afraid to work at it. Too many people in our generation give up if they don't get what they want right away. All relationships, but especially a marital one, take a tremendous amount of give and take. The thing is, you don't go into it wondering how much you can take. You really have to be willing to give more of yourself than you're willing to get. If both people go in with that mentality and keep that mentality, the sky is the limit.
4 - I want my kids to grow up in a traditional family with a mother and a father in the same household. There are plenty of people who did fine coming out of single parent households but statistics show that children who have both parents in the home are often more emotionally stable. I want to have children and I want them to know that their daddy loves their mommy and never to question that.
5 - I love the woman who will be my wife. Even though I might not know her yet, I already love her because she is the greatest woman I will ever meet. And if I do know her (I pray that I do), I still think the same thing. So, even when times get tough, why leave the greatest for any reason at all?

Another thing is, habits are not developed overnight. Just because you say "I'm married now," doesn't mean you'll be a great husband or wife. If you were cheating while you were engaged to the person, you probably won't stop just because you have a ring on your finger. You really have to nip those serious habits in the bud. Though you aren't married, treat your relationships as if that person might be with you forever. I want to be able to honestly tell my son that I never cheated on his mother. So why cheat on someone I'm dating exclusively? Or more importantly, why date someone exclusively that doesn't have the potential to have my last name? Going on a few dates is one thing but if I am regularly seen with you in public or if I intentionally introduce you to my mother, it is because there is something about you that I could see myself getting used to. No, I'm not going to pay all your bills or suggest that we move in together while we're in college but I am going to treat with the respect that I believe a man should treat his wife with because who is to say that I won't marry the one I'm with? And if I don't, it does no harm to treat her with that level of respect.

In short, I just feel like a lot of people don't want to make it work. I am not giving myself the option not to make it work. If I'm with you, I'm with you until the wheels fall off. Relationships aren't always happy. Like Frankie Beverly said, REALationships come with "joy and pain, sunshine and rain." But the pain and the rain make you appreciate every reè of sunshine.


Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

1 Word of Advice

Coming up on my final fall and I can already see things falling into place. It's crazy how God gives you what you need right when you need it. I was just telling Des that I really didn't know where life was going to take me. And honestly, I still don't know. But I do know that I have a network that includes and reaches further than White Rock Baptist Church, UNCG, and Alpha Phi Alpha.

If I could give incoming students one word of advice, it would literally be one word - "Network." As a noun, it really means nothing... Verizon is a network. Yahoo.com is a network. Shoot, the city you live in is a network. Making that word a verb is when the noun "network" actually works for you. This summer, I am going to compile a list of people up and down the East coast that I know who are in fields that I wouldn't hate working in. Then I'm going to write them a letter seeing if they have any openings in their companies and I am going to include my resume.

I don't want to come out of school with an hourly job. There is nothing wrong with that if that's what you are doing but it's not for me. I don't need $80,000/year (though God in heaven knows I won't turn it down), but I also don't need to know that, if I miss a day because I'm sick, my budget for that month will be short. Not only did I go to school to get an education, I have worked my backside off to make connections that will not only help me but also put me in a position to help those around me. Reko is going to come out of school after me needing a job. I want to be able to put him in touch with people who can help him. Philip is going to come out after that. I want to do the same for him. And later on for my kids. Networking is not just taking. It is also giving back. I have to put myself in a position to take and give and eventually stop taking but never stop giving.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Complementary

It's nice to have someone who complements you. Someone who y ou can take out and not worry about any embarrassment because he/she knows how to act. Someone who you know is beautiful beyond just your eyes. Someone who has not been known as the promiscuous person in your circle of friends (or any circle for that matter, since the world is so small). Someone who challenges your intellect in such a way that, to call her anything but your equal would demean your own intelligence. Someone who knows the proper way to carry his or herself in multiple settings. Someone who shares many of the same values as you and who is willing to adopt some of yours when they make sense. Someone who knows how to work in the kitchen but whose work won't stop there. Someone who understands that you have goals and doesn't try to selfishly hinder them. Someone with aspirations as big as yours with the drive to reach those dreams. Someone who can be trusted with everything from your dry cleaning to your money to your time to, one day, you all's kids. Someone who can understand the dynamics of your family while letting you understand those of hers. Someone who you know that, an argument with him/her would be better than peace with someone else. Someone who understands that, despite your, at times, unsavory past, you have a strong present and a promising future, as well as a greatness that he/she believes in. Most importantly, someone who doesn't watch you in your spiritual walk, but who also walks one of her own and meets with you frequently on the journey to insure that He is the foundation of your relationship.

Having someone who complements you is about more than having a "trophy" to show off (all though she who complements me is a comp

lete #win). It is about having someone who pushes you to do better b

ecause she cares about you and gives of herself so that you can be happy. It is about having support that you didn't know you could find before.

I could go on but I think I've made my point. I pray that everyone finds a partner who is as complementary as mine.

Thanks Kick Push.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Don't Sweat It

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." -- Bill Cosby

You can't live up to everyone's expectations. Not only is it illogical, it is stressful. You will never reach your goal, so you'll end up bitter. For so long, I tried to put the weight of the world on my shoulders. When something was wrong, I tried to fix it. When someone wasn't happy, I felt like it was on me to make them smile. I gave all that I had just to make sure that everyone else was happy. And you know what? They still weren't happy because, inevitably, something else ended up going wrong and everything I did was an after thought as they needed more assistance. You will drive yourself to drink or cry or hurt yourself or just be too drained to even figure out your own happiness. That isn't healthy at all.

Instead of trying to please everyone else happy, why not do what you love? Why not do for yourself? That is not saying be selfish, but just that you should be cognizant of what is in your power and what is not. If someone has a chronic financial problem, why do you think that tossing them one of your paychecks is going to help? All they are going to do is mismanage that and come back to you in a month or two asking for more money. If one of your friends keeps crying over the abusive guys she keeps dating, it's not on you to confront every one of them every time just so that you get your backside beaten into the ground. Then both of you are walking around w/ freshly blackened eyes every month or two. If you are your parents' "golden child," you can't always carry the weight that you are supposed to share with your siblings. You shouldn't feel like your success has to equate your expected success level as well as theirs or that you have to be the only one to show them that you care. We are not superheroes. We cannot save the entire world. What we can do is try to help one deed at a time. Give what you can when you can. Sometimes it will be more than usual, sometimes less. But don't let yourself be stressed by things that are out of your control and that don't ultimately affect you. Because then you'll just be adding one more sad person to the population of the world. Know your limits, push them, but live within them.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Financial Irresponsibility

Just read a story on CNN.com that was talking about how 7,900,000 jobs are likely gone for good. Then I thought about the fact that we're in a recession. Then I thought about how much money Americans spend. We are in a recession, but there were mad parents at the optional $70+ SOAR when they could be holding on to that cash. I have numerous friends who have taken Spring Break and summer vacations over these past few months. I just spent $188 on a round trip ticket to Manhattan. We have Blackberrys and Iphones that we get for "free" or at a "reduced" price but we end up buying 8 of them in the duration of our contracts ($100+/month). Gentlemen still out go out to the bar, buying themselves and random women drinks... In 1935, I can bet that cats weren't offering ladies a glass of water, much less an amaretto sour.

Just think about it; How many fresh pairs of kicks do you have? When your friend shoots you a text about a crazy sale, do you buy the quantity of a retail priced shirt and then talk about how much you saved? Do you cook for yourself or order in all the time? We are too arrogant to be in a real recession. In the great depression, people were bragging on things that had little value. We are sitting here bragging on stuff that actually costs a good chunk of change. We really need to reconsider our financial habits. Otherwise, we really won't have anything. Food for thought.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown