Today I was watching TV and I realized that divorce and infidelity are regular occurrences in our media which is likely why they are regular occurrences in American lives. I hate that this is true, but the media often sets what is perceived as the "norm," and therefore people adapt to that style of living. For instance, the media used to tell black kids that it wasn't cool to read and that is when we, who had fought so long for our right to be equally educated, stopped reading. They say that you come to college to party and that is why so many students work their ways into school and party their ways out. We see things on TV and, because we want to be "normal," we emulate them.
I feel like, sooner than later, infidelity is going to be just as normal as driving. It isn't right but in almost every series on TV, someone is cheating on someone else. Why is it so hard for people these days to just commit? After you reach a certain level of maturity, you should be looking for someone to spend your life with (if marriage is what you are trying to do). The problem is, people get married these days without expecting to spend their lives with the other person. I am surprised at how many people I know get married and say that they hope they stay w/ that person forever. I don't believe in saying never, but I know that, when I get married, I'm never going to divorce my wife. I know this for a few reasons:
1 - "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." -- Philippians 4:13. God is going to be the center of our relationship. Even more important than your family should be your relationship with God. And if you incorporate God into that relationship, how much greater will it be, right? Even in the hard times (and there will be hard times, even in an anointed relationship), God can pull people through it.
2 - I'm not going to get engaged after 3 months after meeting her. No offense to those who do it but I don't believe that I can get to know someone well enough in that short amount time. Even in my current relationship, I couldn't get engaged right now and we are going into our 4th year of knowing one another. There are levels on which you know someone and I believe that the first of those is friendship.
3 - I'm not afraid to work at it. Too many people in our generation give up if they don't get what they want right away. All relationships, but especially a marital one, take a tremendous amount of give and take. The thing is, you don't go into it wondering how much you can take. You really have to be willing to give more of yourself than you're willing to get. If both people go in with that mentality and keep that mentality, the sky is the limit.
4 - I want my kids to grow up in a traditional family with a mother and a father in the same household. There are plenty of people who did fine coming out of single parent households but statistics show that children who have both parents in the home are often more emotionally stable. I want to have children and I want them to know that their daddy loves their mommy and never to question that.
5 - I love the woman who will be my wife. Even though I might not know her yet, I already love her because she is the greatest woman I will ever meet. And if I do know her (I pray that I do), I still think the same thing. So, even when times get tough, why leave the greatest for any reason at all?
Another thing is, habits are not developed overnight. Just because you say "I'm married now," doesn't mean you'll be a great husband or wife. If you were cheating while you were engaged to the person, you probably won't stop just because you have a ring on your finger. You really have to nip those serious habits in the bud. Though you aren't married, treat your relationships as if that person might be with you forever. I want to be able to honestly tell my son that I never cheated on his mother. So why cheat on someone I'm dating exclusively? Or more importantly, why date someone exclusively that doesn't have the potential to have my last name? Going on a few dates is one thing but if I am regularly seen with you in public or if I intentionally introduce you to my mother, it is because there is something about you that I could see myself getting used to. No, I'm not going to pay all your bills or suggest that we move in together while we're in college but I am going to treat with the respect that I believe a man should treat his wife with because who is to say that I won't marry the one I'm with? And if I don't, it does no harm to treat her with that level of respect.
In short, I just feel like a lot of people don't want to make it work. I am not giving myself the option not to make it work. If I'm with you, I'm with you until the wheels fall off. Relationships aren't always happy. Like Frankie Beverly said, REALationships come with "joy and pain, sunshine and rain." But the pain and the rain make you appreciate every reè of sunshine.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
I feel like, sooner than later, infidelity is going to be just as normal as driving. It isn't right but in almost every series on TV, someone is cheating on someone else. Why is it so hard for people these days to just commit? After you reach a certain level of maturity, you should be looking for someone to spend your life with (if marriage is what you are trying to do). The problem is, people get married these days without expecting to spend their lives with the other person. I am surprised at how many people I know get married and say that they hope they stay w/ that person forever. I don't believe in saying never, but I know that, when I get married, I'm never going to divorce my wife. I know this for a few reasons:
1 - "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." -- Philippians 4:13. God is going to be the center of our relationship. Even more important than your family should be your relationship with God. And if you incorporate God into that relationship, how much greater will it be, right? Even in the hard times (and there will be hard times, even in an anointed relationship), God can pull people through it.
2 - I'm not going to get engaged after 3 months after meeting her. No offense to those who do it but I don't believe that I can get to know someone well enough in that short amount time. Even in my current relationship, I couldn't get engaged right now and we are going into our 4th year of knowing one another. There are levels on which you know someone and I believe that the first of those is friendship.
3 - I'm not afraid to work at it. Too many people in our generation give up if they don't get what they want right away. All relationships, but especially a marital one, take a tremendous amount of give and take. The thing is, you don't go into it wondering how much you can take. You really have to be willing to give more of yourself than you're willing to get. If both people go in with that mentality and keep that mentality, the sky is the limit.
4 - I want my kids to grow up in a traditional family with a mother and a father in the same household. There are plenty of people who did fine coming out of single parent households but statistics show that children who have both parents in the home are often more emotionally stable. I want to have children and I want them to know that their daddy loves their mommy and never to question that.
5 - I love the woman who will be my wife. Even though I might not know her yet, I already love her because she is the greatest woman I will ever meet. And if I do know her (I pray that I do), I still think the same thing. So, even when times get tough, why leave the greatest for any reason at all?
Another thing is, habits are not developed overnight. Just because you say "I'm married now," doesn't mean you'll be a great husband or wife. If you were cheating while you were engaged to the person, you probably won't stop just because you have a ring on your finger. You really have to nip those serious habits in the bud. Though you aren't married, treat your relationships as if that person might be with you forever. I want to be able to honestly tell my son that I never cheated on his mother. So why cheat on someone I'm dating exclusively? Or more importantly, why date someone exclusively that doesn't have the potential to have my last name? Going on a few dates is one thing but if I am regularly seen with you in public or if I intentionally introduce you to my mother, it is because there is something about you that I could see myself getting used to. No, I'm not going to pay all your bills or suggest that we move in together while we're in college but I am going to treat with the respect that I believe a man should treat his wife with because who is to say that I won't marry the one I'm with? And if I don't, it does no harm to treat her with that level of respect.
In short, I just feel like a lot of people don't want to make it work. I am not giving myself the option not to make it work. If I'm with you, I'm with you until the wheels fall off. Relationships aren't always happy. Like Frankie Beverly said, REALationships come with "joy and pain, sunshine and rain." But the pain and the rain make you appreciate every reè of sunshine.
Litera scripta manet. - Unknown
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