80-20 or 20-80?

What can I say? Life is to be lived but sometimes that is not enough. We want it all. When we have everything we want, we're still not satisfied. Is it the thrill of the chase, the feeling of uncertainty, or, in my case, the distance?

For quite some time, I was an ineligible bachelor, taken by someone who seemed perfect. She is smart, Christian, gorgeous, caring, and she loves/d me. But for some reason I could not shake the fact that I needed to step back and experience life some. She is the only person I have dated in adulthood. She was my best friend. And for that reason, I couldn't lead her on and say that I wanted one thing when in actuality what I wanted was a chance to live. As a young man, I felt suffocated by someone who I saw once a month. It was taxing on my academics, my friendships, my pockets, and my emotions.

I know that no relationship is easy and they all require work and trust, but extreme distance requires much more than most. I couldn't just drive across town to watch a movie. I would have to fly up for a weekend. I couldn't get a hug or kiss after I had a bad day. I would have to settle for a phone call. Introducing her to my friends and family was nearly impossible unless they happened to meet her one of the 2 times she has come down to visit. It was love, but it wasn't fair.

Everyday at school, I see my closest friends happily in or in pursuit of a normal college relationship, something I knew I could never have if I didn't take a step back. So I selfishly did what I had to do so that I could see if having someone nearby who I could rely on was better.
I can't say that I know one way or another yet, but the future looks bright. I never meant to hurt my first love, but no one does. Now I just pray that God leads me into whatever might be best for me. I know that I am not looking for anything in particular aside from a sense of normality. Yes, the decision was selfish but I would rather be real and hurt someone temporarily than to be fake and please them for a lifetime. I want my friend back, but I know that, in time that too will come.

No real moral to this post. Just venting. Have a great weekend.


Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

No TieTull AddAQuitLee Sez WhaHut Eye Want Tew Sѐ

Why do people feel the need to type shorthand that isn't really short hand? I get text messages that say things like "thiz iz duh best dae ov muh entyre freeeeeeken lyfe." I feel like that really makes you seem ignorant. I understand texting a friend and saying "I dont feel like goin 2 class 2day b/c Im sick. I need u 2 get the notes 4 me. L8r." It's not that hard to understand that. I don't need proper grammer or punctuation (unless your text is business related). But when I have to sound out your text message, there is a problem there. The point of texting is so that I don't have to talk. Do we have to show individuality in every freaking way? Some things are genuinely unique and some things just look like you shouldn't have made it past the 2nd grade. I don't do this with the intention of offending anyone, but with the intention of making my text inbox more legible. So if you have my number, I hope you will not text me nonsense anymore. Thanks.

*Shout to Proudy Bailey for being my muse today.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Too Good To Settle

"It's hard to find a woman when you're talented and black." - Drake

Good evening world (probably more like "Good evening America," more specifically North Carolina). Today I went to get my hair cut at Leon's Salon on Tate St. In Greensboro (quick plug - - shout to my boy Chris). Anyway, while in the chair, Chris and I talked about courting women. More specifically, he was giving me advice on what to do when looking for a steady girlfriend. What he said was that I need to ask for resumès to make sure that she is not in school to get her M.R.S. I definitely agree with that. I am not saying that a girl has to have a 4.0 and be president in every organization on campus but she should have some things about her that really do stand out. I don't want another me b/c I can barely deal with myself as it is. The thing is, having someone who complements me is key. I need for a young lady to be involved enough so that she is not constantly bored waiting on me to get done handling my business but still not so consumed that she has no time for me. She needs to enjoy giving back because, if she's with me she will be receiving a lot and "to (s)he whom much is given, much is expected." She needs to be Christian because otherwise we won't work and honestly, I wouldn't want us to. She needs to know how to turn me on because I want to be able to be intimate with her. She needs to be attractive to me because I want to want to look at her forever.

That brings me to my next point: I will not court someone who does not have potential to be my Mrs. I am not saying that that is my initial goal but I am too old to call someone my girlfriend who I won't introduce to my mother. And only one woman has gotten a formal invitation to my parents' home for dinner since I've made it to college.

Sad to say, there are very few handsome, confident young black Christian males going where I am going. I have numerous short comings but I am cutting down on them daily. I will always sin and fall short of perfection but my goal is to decrease the frequency of imperfections and increase the probability that I will have a perfect day.

I am going to be great, not famous. Why make it into Rolling Stone magazine or the tabloids when I could be in Forbes and encyclopedias? I won't be a household name, but I will to be known in corporate America as a marketing guru. I will be a credit to my race, fraternity, and nation, as they have been to me (more so the former two than the latter). More importantly (and more on the point), I will be a great husband and father. I will take my kids to church and sports practices. I will take my wife on dates (and not just on our anniversary). We will go on vacations. We will be happy.

I am the African American Dream. I never lived in the ghetto but I was never anywhere near rich. My parents were good at doing what most black people do - fronting. I've walked to get groceries because we didn't have a car. Not because "we didn't have a working car." We didn't have a car at all. I held the marijuana for my boys. I fought. I got suspended. I dodged charges. I'm not proud of that and I'm not saying that I am hard. What I am saying is "I will make it from low class to classic." Look at me now - 81% of school paid for by scholarships, job, good credit, president of a progressive organization, treasurer of another, a brother of the best fraternity in the history of the world and a Christian. And this is only the beginning.

Many people say that I am an idealist. They are right. Life happens, but I also believe that "I am the master of my phate." God gives us free will and I was told that giving anything less than 100% is a sin. His will is that I utilize the talents He has given me instead of burying them. So my talents are going to bring me success. Question is, who will be riding in my passenger seats?

I know I digressed TR3mendously but I felt like intricately explaining why I won't settle for a woman who can't complement me. And anyway it's my blog so I can do that.


Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Me Time

I think sometimes you need to take some time for yourself. It's not about being mad at anyone or being anti-social or anything. It's just that when you spend so much time with and energy on other persons, you might need to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself. Take some time away from your close friends, your significant other, even your family. Look at your life and see what you do or don't like about it. Then plan out how you can take the necessary steps to make the needed changes.

When you give the majority of your time to others, you are neglecting yourself and ultimately hurting those around you. If you are not emotionally healthy, your relationships can't be as strong as they need to be.

Just how I feel.


Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

But When I Became a Man...

I really do not understand not wanting to mature. I went out with my boys the other night and we ended up at this hood club. Usually I go to the that at least cater to the college crowd, if not the 21+ grown and sexy lounges. I have pretty much grown out of the tall tee worn, sneaker trodden, baggy jean spots. But I went b/c I didn't want to rock the boat. Big mistake. I got in and the girls dressed like they were in high school (which some probably were). The guys dressed like I did between the 7th and 9th grades, but some were clearly well into their mid- to late-20s.

When it comes to fashion, I say "do you but do you consciously." You're not going to find me in a crazy over sized outfit anymore because I need a job when I graduate and I never know who I might meet and when. My shirts no longer have little weed jokes on them. I still wear fitteds and I probably will until I die, but I don't wear them to places where I might run into someone who might be able to help me. Too many people think too much in the present. True, tomorrow isn't promised, but there is always the possibility that you will make it there and would you rather be ready if it comes or be ill-prepared and scrambling to catch up to the white kids (being real). I'm staying 2 steps ahead of the white kids b/c I am a black male and I was always told I had to.

Just something that was on my mind. Feel free to write back. Or to take notes and discuss it over lunch.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Welcome to the Good Life

I love being a young man in college. It is such a good feeling to know that, right now I have no real responsibilities outside of myself. I am financially self-sufficient. Life might not be perfect, but I know how to have fun. I take good care of my body, I go out with friends occasionally, and I take time everyday to better myself spiritually and intellectually. I can go take a walk when I want to. I can go on dates when I feel like it. I am living the good life.

When I get out of college, I won't have the opportunity to take an extended summer vacation where I can just work on myself. I won't be able to go to class for 3 or 4 hours a day and and then choose what I do for the rest of the day. Waking up and starting my day at 10 am will never be an option.

This time in life is so fun. So don't take it too seriously. Realize that it is important to set yourself up for success but also know that life will happen the way it's supposed to and right now, all you really have to do is live.

Disclaimer - This post is strictly directed at those working toward a bachelor's degree. If you have graduated, are not a full time student, have children, or aren't in school, you don't have the luxury of enjoying things as much so please don't think that your day should begin at 10. You should be up 7 so you can be at a job interview by 8. Still use free time to better yourself but responsibilities come first.


Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Even on my Worst Days...

Usually I write to air out a grievance but today, I 'm just going to write in a spirit of thanksgiving. Even with all the flaws in the world, more specifically in this nation, I am unbelievably blessed. So often we focus so much on the negative things that we don't appreciate the good things.

Example 1: I have food and usually if I don't eat three meals each day it is because I don't "want" to eat something. That is so spoiled of me. How often do our families have leftovers in the fridge that end up getting thrown away? Tell that to a child in an under-developed nation and he really might smack you.

Example 2: I have more clothes than 3/4 of the people in my house combined. This is just b/c I really enjoy being able to change styles, but it is no where near a necessity. I am thankful for my wardrobe but even as recently as 100 years ago, people in America had three sets of clothes - work clothes, relaxing clothes, and Sunday clothes. Now I catch myself shopping for new outfits for most major parties. And why? Just b/c I want to.

Example 3: I can afford to kick back and relax. I might not be living as comfortably as I would like to this summer but I am living. My bills are getting paid (barely and always at the last minute). I wish I was working but I'm just going to tough it out through this dry spell. And when it passes, I'll be even more thankful.I don't want to dwell on my blessings b/c I could go on all day.

But anyway, just wanted to focus on the good things in life. The world might be bad, but life is good. Have a great day.


Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Time on My Hands

I am so tired of doing the exact same thing day after day. I said I was tired of never having a boring day but this is ridiculous. I looked for a job and it's not happening. Most college students who were able to work this summer are returning to their former places of employment. I really can't deal. I'm used to getting out of bed, going to the gym, eating breakfast, showering and putting on a freshly pressed shirt and a tie. Then the unpredictable day begins. Aside from knowing where I'm going, I have no clue as to what my life will bring that day. I usually learn new things in classes, see friends/acquaintances, meet new people. I have lunch appointments and evening meetings. At night I call friends and find something to do or I might head to the library and check out a movie. And this is excluding weekends. These were known as my "boring" days. I was sadly mistaken.

Correction: This is boring! There is nothing to do. Nothing at all. Maybe I'll catch up with some old friends on the weekend, but other than that, my days now consist of waking up, washing up, reading the Bible, watching TV, working out, blogging, eating, reading some more, running a couple miles, talking on the phone and sleeping. It's relaxing but sometimes it gets old. And I still have a month here.

Solution - Volunteer. I'm going to have to find somewhere to give my time to b/c, if I can't profit from my time, maybe someone else can. But this sitting around thing isn't helping. Financial stability is not the only fulfillment that one can find and since it is something I definitely won't find, I will look to find fulfillment on a more selfless level. So hopefully these boring days will get better soon...

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Parents Just Don't Understand

I absolutely hate being home during the breaks and am often reminded why. My parents' ways of doing things aren't mine. I have grown and developed my own ways of thinking about things, but in their house it's their way. For instance, I have grown out of the traditional eating times b/c I can come and go from the food court or cafeteria as I please. And I no longer have a bed time b/c I think of time as a man made constraint and the word "late" is relative based upon what time your day starts. I am no longer in tune with the dependency that a family presents.

As frustrating as it is, I am here and will be until I move back to Greensboro. Not really a long post but it's on my mind and therefore it is here for your reading pleasure.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Minitrue: An Orwellian Disposition

I wonder why we are so concerned with political progress in the Middle East but not focusing any comparable effort in Africa, specifically in Darfur. Has everyone forgotten about the fact that the US still has not taken an official position on what is going on in the Sudan? It cracks me up because the American mainstream media (which is owned by 11 companies) determines what topics stay on our mind. We are something like sheep being herded. The problem is that it is so easy to open our mouths as we are spoon fed this packaged bologna (Sidebar: How that is pronounced boloney I really don't know). But it takes time and determination to really find the truth. There is no way that all these grassroots newspapers and blog sites are credible sources of information so the time it would take to figure out which ones are and aren't is often not worth it.

I really have no solution but instead just wanted to draw the attention of my dedicated fan base (all 3 of you) to the fact that sometimes we really do have to think about the bologna that we are being fed by mass media. And it's not about these television anchors or producers (shout to Sonie) or anyone like that. This goes much higher than them. Change has to come from the top and right now that's not happening so we've got to at least be aware when we do realize that topics are slowly being eased out of the spotlight so that we can follow up.

For me, the issues of the black community which are tossed in the backseat are especially troublesome. For instance, what ever happened to the Jena 6 situation? And when the crosses were burned on the lawns of blacks in Durham a couple years ago - was anyone ever convicted? Maybe these things aren't important to some but the Enron scandal was covered in its entirety. Even the life of entertainers are given daily coverage. Does that mean we, as Americans, value our entertainment and our money more than we do humanitarian efforts, legislative actions and cultural relations?

Don't hesitate to believe that if we fail to think for ourselves we will be told how to think. This is not 1984 and I am not Winston. I have my own agenda and it will not be dictated by Big Brother.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

L.O.L. Smiley Face: A Social Meltdown

"Shawty just txt me, said she wanna sex me. L.O.L. smiley face. L.O.L. smiley face. Shawty sent a twitpic sayin' come and get this. L.O.L. smiley face. L.O.L. smiley face."

That's a catchy song if I've ever heard one. But sadly, this song is what our society has come to. We text one another sexual desires. Our entire relationships play out over Facebook, from single to complicated to in a relationship, engaged, married. I won't be surprised if "divorced" in an option soon. I don't even have to call my bruhs anymore to see what they're doing tonight because Twitter updates or Facebook's mini-feed will let me know. Where is the intimacy?

I recently changed the "About Me" section on Facebook to reveal as little about me as I can aside from some quotes and that which is pretty much public knowledge (i.e. organizational affiliations). I also removed my birth date because I feel like way too many people who do not know me at all know my birthday and wish me a happy birthday. Having over 500 wall posts in 1 day doesn't do a thing but make one more egotistical for that one day. But I'm sure that only 1% of my Facebook "friends" know my birthday (excluding family). More than I'd want someone to remember it though, I'd just like for them to ask. I want you to know my favorite type of music or my favorite movie or book because you took the time to get to know me, not because you can click the "Add Friend" button and read about me. To me, that seems so fake. Don't get me wrong, I love Facebook. I might be on more than 80% of my online associates. But it was initially intended to help people stay in touch, not to find out everything about someone.

The song doesn't just talk about social networking though. It talks about texting some crazy stuff. You would think that people would've learned by now not to send any crazy messages that the world is bound to see if you ever make it big. Nothing can be hidden from the media. So why have I gotten some of the craziest texts from the most random girls? Really, hold yourself to a higher standard. If you want to come on to a guy (esp. one who you don't even know) call him. Don't send him some crazy text or Facebook message or AIM him or anything like that. He just might show the message to his boys. I'm being real because, even though that's not my M.O., I have seen enough crazy text/picture messages to know that it can happen.

We're so caught up in our technology that we don't know how to communicate with people anymore. We text people and write on their Facebook wall to ask them on a date. What happened to getting the courage up to call someone and ask them out? Or instead of writing on someone's wall each time we want to check on them, how about we actually give them a call sometimes. I'd rather hear a friendly voice than my fingers tapping some keys. So if I have your number, I might be giving you a call sometime instead of chatting with you online. I hope you'll do the same. Let's get out of the habit of impersonally communicating. All it does is dumbs us down.
S.M.H.
:-(

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Endangered Specices: Ladies and Gentlemen

If I see the lady from a distance, the first thing I'll look for is for her to have a nice overall shape. It's not so much about big or small as much as about a nice figure. I'm also into brown- and dark-skinned girls so they'll probably catch my attention first. Nothing against anyone of any other complexion because, at the end of the day, a beautiful woman is a beautiful woman but everyone has preferences and complexion is one of mine.

If I am fortunate enough to run into her up close the first time I see her, I look for nice eyes, a nice smile, nice hair (long or short, as long as it's done nicely, there is potential).

The most important thing is the manner in which she carries herself. I saw a girl the other week who was out @ a public pool in the middle of the day intentionally showing off things that she should have kept to herself. If you don't come across as a lady from the jump, I probably will not take you seriously. It's not about what you do and with who but about who knows how you like to get down. Everyone shouldn't know that a female is a "freak." If she is for her man that's great, but otherwise, chill out. Some guys might try to wife you but I can guarantee that I will not be that guy. I subscribe to the belief that you can't turn a garden tool into a housewife. That's not to say that she can't change but that is on her to change.

I believe that ladies are an endangered species. That statement was not made to compare you all to animals, but taxonomically, you all are on a completely different level than the general human female based on thought process alone. And I can say the same about gentlemen; there are very few of us left. It is quite possible that the killing off of one served as a catalyst for the death of of the other but I believe that we should be working to revive a sense of mutual respect and responsibility between our genders.
I suggest that those of us who are ladies and gentlemen take someone younger than us and mentor them. Ladies, if you see another young female on campus who seems like she's on the line (or even past it), talk to her. Be her friend first and her mentor second. Don't let her walk around dressed like she should be on the Vegas strip b/c the young man who I am mentoring will probably not look her way and, if he is anything like me, she will want him to.
Let's make it cool to be ladies and gentlemen once again. And let's kill this misconception that because you can wear a tie with some hard bottom shoes or a dress with some heels that that's all it takes. Instead of wanting to be Mr./Mrs. Sean Carter, we should aspire more to be like Mr./Mrs. Cliff Huxtable. A very idealistic view, but mine none the less.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Effortless Success = Unrealistic

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure... There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you... As we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." - - Marianne Williamson


So often we sell ourselves short so that we won't have to really work. Deep down, there is a greatness in us all, but our fear of "failure" prevents us from truly realizing how great we really are. We don't give 100% to something b/c, when we fail, it is easy to say "Oh, I could have done it, I just didn't try." But then I must ask "Why?" Why not give your all when you really have nothing to lose? Actually, by giving your all, you will probably save yourself time. Curtis Cotton III used to tell me "Do something right the first time and you won't have to do it again." That is so true. Why not do something the correct way from point A? Then you will save yourself time and a headache.

Don't get me wrong, giving your all is a risk. When you put everything you have into anything, what you are really doing is putting your heart into it. That is a scary thing, especially for us men. We guard our hearts like there is no tomorrow and the thought of putting it into something that is unstable is not what we would prefer to do. But I challenge us all, men and women, to step out on faith. God doesn't want us hurt. What fun comes from that? Believe in Him enough to see your greatness.

We never really realize how great we are until we learn to put all of ourselves into something. So give it your all. If you don't like the outcome, sue me (just kidding. Please don't do me like that!)

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown