80-20 or 20-80?

What can I say? Life is to be lived but sometimes that is not enough. We want it all. When we have everything we want, we're still not satisfied. Is it the thrill of the chase, the feeling of uncertainty, or, in my case, the distance?

For quite some time, I was an ineligible bachelor, taken by someone who seemed perfect. She is smart, Christian, gorgeous, caring, and she loves/d me. But for some reason I could not shake the fact that I needed to step back and experience life some. She is the only person I have dated in adulthood. She was my best friend. And for that reason, I couldn't lead her on and say that I wanted one thing when in actuality what I wanted was a chance to live. As a young man, I felt suffocated by someone who I saw once a month. It was taxing on my academics, my friendships, my pockets, and my emotions.

I know that no relationship is easy and they all require work and trust, but extreme distance requires much more than most. I couldn't just drive across town to watch a movie. I would have to fly up for a weekend. I couldn't get a hug or kiss after I had a bad day. I would have to settle for a phone call. Introducing her to my friends and family was nearly impossible unless they happened to meet her one of the 2 times she has come down to visit. It was love, but it wasn't fair.

Everyday at school, I see my closest friends happily in or in pursuit of a normal college relationship, something I knew I could never have if I didn't take a step back. So I selfishly did what I had to do so that I could see if having someone nearby who I could rely on was better.
I can't say that I know one way or another yet, but the future looks bright. I never meant to hurt my first love, but no one does. Now I just pray that God leads me into whatever might be best for me. I know that I am not looking for anything in particular aside from a sense of normality. Yes, the decision was selfish but I would rather be real and hurt someone temporarily than to be fake and please them for a lifetime. I want my friend back, but I know that, in time that too will come.

No real moral to this post. Just venting. Have a great weekend.


Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

No TieTull AddAQuitLee Sez WhaHut Eye Want Tew Sѐ

Why do people feel the need to type shorthand that isn't really short hand? I get text messages that say things like "thiz iz duh best dae ov muh entyre freeeeeeken lyfe." I feel like that really makes you seem ignorant. I understand texting a friend and saying "I dont feel like goin 2 class 2day b/c Im sick. I need u 2 get the notes 4 me. L8r." It's not that hard to understand that. I don't need proper grammer or punctuation (unless your text is business related). But when I have to sound out your text message, there is a problem there. The point of texting is so that I don't have to talk. Do we have to show individuality in every freaking way? Some things are genuinely unique and some things just look like you shouldn't have made it past the 2nd grade. I don't do this with the intention of offending anyone, but with the intention of making my text inbox more legible. So if you have my number, I hope you will not text me nonsense anymore. Thanks.

*Shout to Proudy Bailey for being my muse today.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Too Good To Settle

"It's hard to find a woman when you're talented and black." - Drake

Good evening world (probably more like "Good evening America," more specifically North Carolina). Today I went to get my hair cut at Leon's Salon on Tate St. In Greensboro (quick plug - - shout to my boy Chris). Anyway, while in the chair, Chris and I talked about courting women. More specifically, he was giving me advice on what to do when looking for a steady girlfriend. What he said was that I need to ask for resumès to make sure that she is not in school to get her M.R.S. I definitely agree with that. I am not saying that a girl has to have a 4.0 and be president in every organization on campus but she should have some things about her that really do stand out. I don't want another me b/c I can barely deal with myself as it is. The thing is, having someone who complements me is key. I need for a young lady to be involved enough so that she is not constantly bored waiting on me to get done handling my business but still not so consumed that she has no time for me. She needs to enjoy giving back because, if she's with me she will be receiving a lot and "to (s)he whom much is given, much is expected." She needs to be Christian because otherwise we won't work and honestly, I wouldn't want us to. She needs to know how to turn me on because I want to be able to be intimate with her. She needs to be attractive to me because I want to want to look at her forever.

That brings me to my next point: I will not court someone who does not have potential to be my Mrs. I am not saying that that is my initial goal but I am too old to call someone my girlfriend who I won't introduce to my mother. And only one woman has gotten a formal invitation to my parents' home for dinner since I've made it to college.

Sad to say, there are very few handsome, confident young black Christian males going where I am going. I have numerous short comings but I am cutting down on them daily. I will always sin and fall short of perfection but my goal is to decrease the frequency of imperfections and increase the probability that I will have a perfect day.

I am going to be great, not famous. Why make it into Rolling Stone magazine or the tabloids when I could be in Forbes and encyclopedias? I won't be a household name, but I will to be known in corporate America as a marketing guru. I will be a credit to my race, fraternity, and nation, as they have been to me (more so the former two than the latter). More importantly (and more on the point), I will be a great husband and father. I will take my kids to church and sports practices. I will take my wife on dates (and not just on our anniversary). We will go on vacations. We will be happy.

I am the African American Dream. I never lived in the ghetto but I was never anywhere near rich. My parents were good at doing what most black people do - fronting. I've walked to get groceries because we didn't have a car. Not because "we didn't have a working car." We didn't have a car at all. I held the marijuana for my boys. I fought. I got suspended. I dodged charges. I'm not proud of that and I'm not saying that I am hard. What I am saying is "I will make it from low class to classic." Look at me now - 81% of school paid for by scholarships, job, good credit, president of a progressive organization, treasurer of another, a brother of the best fraternity in the history of the world and a Christian. And this is only the beginning.

Many people say that I am an idealist. They are right. Life happens, but I also believe that "I am the master of my phate." God gives us free will and I was told that giving anything less than 100% is a sin. His will is that I utilize the talents He has given me instead of burying them. So my talents are going to bring me success. Question is, who will be riding in my passenger seats?

I know I digressed TR3mendously but I felt like intricately explaining why I won't settle for a woman who can't complement me. And anyway it's my blog so I can do that.


Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Me Time

I think sometimes you need to take some time for yourself. It's not about being mad at anyone or being anti-social or anything. It's just that when you spend so much time with and energy on other persons, you might need to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself. Take some time away from your close friends, your significant other, even your family. Look at your life and see what you do or don't like about it. Then plan out how you can take the necessary steps to make the needed changes.

When you give the majority of your time to others, you are neglecting yourself and ultimately hurting those around you. If you are not emotionally healthy, your relationships can't be as strong as they need to be.

Just how I feel.


Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

But When I Became a Man...

I really do not understand not wanting to mature. I went out with my boys the other night and we ended up at this hood club. Usually I go to the that at least cater to the college crowd, if not the 21+ grown and sexy lounges. I have pretty much grown out of the tall tee worn, sneaker trodden, baggy jean spots. But I went b/c I didn't want to rock the boat. Big mistake. I got in and the girls dressed like they were in high school (which some probably were). The guys dressed like I did between the 7th and 9th grades, but some were clearly well into their mid- to late-20s.

When it comes to fashion, I say "do you but do you consciously." You're not going to find me in a crazy over sized outfit anymore because I need a job when I graduate and I never know who I might meet and when. My shirts no longer have little weed jokes on them. I still wear fitteds and I probably will until I die, but I don't wear them to places where I might run into someone who might be able to help me. Too many people think too much in the present. True, tomorrow isn't promised, but there is always the possibility that you will make it there and would you rather be ready if it comes or be ill-prepared and scrambling to catch up to the white kids (being real). I'm staying 2 steps ahead of the white kids b/c I am a black male and I was always told I had to.

Just something that was on my mind. Feel free to write back. Or to take notes and discuss it over lunch.

Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Welcome to the Good Life

I love being a young man in college. It is such a good feeling to know that, right now I have no real responsibilities outside of myself. I am financially self-sufficient. Life might not be perfect, but I know how to have fun. I take good care of my body, I go out with friends occasionally, and I take time everyday to better myself spiritually and intellectually. I can go take a walk when I want to. I can go on dates when I feel like it. I am living the good life.

When I get out of college, I won't have the opportunity to take an extended summer vacation where I can just work on myself. I won't be able to go to class for 3 or 4 hours a day and and then choose what I do for the rest of the day. Waking up and starting my day at 10 am will never be an option.

This time in life is so fun. So don't take it too seriously. Realize that it is important to set yourself up for success but also know that life will happen the way it's supposed to and right now, all you really have to do is live.

Disclaimer - This post is strictly directed at those working toward a bachelor's degree. If you have graduated, are not a full time student, have children, or aren't in school, you don't have the luxury of enjoying things as much so please don't think that your day should begin at 10. You should be up 7 so you can be at a job interview by 8. Still use free time to better yourself but responsibilities come first.


Litera scripta manet. - Unknown

Even on my Worst Days...

Usually I write to air out a grievance but today, I 'm just going to write in a spirit of thanksgiving. Even with all the flaws in the world, more specifically in this nation, I am unbelievably blessed. So often we focus so much on the negative things that we don't appreciate the good things.

Example 1: I have food and usually if I don't eat three meals each day it is because I don't "want" to eat something. That is so spoiled of me. How often do our families have leftovers in the fridge that end up getting thrown away? Tell that to a child in an under-developed nation and he really might smack you.

Example 2: I have more clothes than 3/4 of the people in my house combined. This is just b/c I really enjoy being able to change styles, but it is no where near a necessity. I am thankful for my wardrobe but even as recently as 100 years ago, people in America had three sets of clothes - work clothes, relaxing clothes, and Sunday clothes. Now I catch myself shopping for new outfits for most major parties. And why? Just b/c I want to.

Example 3: I can afford to kick back and relax. I might not be living as comfortably as I would like to this summer but I am living. My bills are getting paid (barely and always at the last minute). I wish I was working but I'm just going to tough it out through this dry spell. And when it passes, I'll be even more thankful.I don't want to dwell on my blessings b/c I could go on all day.

But anyway, just wanted to focus on the good things in life. The world might be bad, but life is good. Have a great day.


Litera scripta manet. - Unknown